Questionable Choices in Parenting

Laughing at life as a parent so they don't commit me

Do You Know Your School Kid?

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School days, school days, something…something..something about golden rules, but really it’s just the days when kids prove their parents have no idea whom they have been raising.

Remember when I told you how my little gal was having a hard time starting “school” (really it’s just one day a week not real, real school)? Well if you missed it, here it is.

After a few weeks of tears (both hers and mine), the last few drop-offs have gone beautifully! As she saunters down the hallway (the same hallway she spent weeks crying and screaming as if we were headed down the green mile), she turns to me and says “Bye Mommy! See you soon! I’ll miss you.” She jumps into the arms of her teacher and there I stand: proud, shocked, relieved, weepy, and pretty stoked to have a few kid free hours on my hands.

But it wasn’t until I went to pick her up from school that I learned I really have no idea who this kid is outside of the house. Oh, I KNOW who she is when she is home ruling the roost, but little did I know kids come in two varieties: the kid you know and your school kid.

School Kid

When it was time to bust her out of school, I was actually greeted in the hallway by her teacher.Excited to see how my daughter’s craft, play, and snack filled day went, I became “that” mom and bombarded her teacher to give me every single stinkin’ detail. Here is how the convo went down:

Me: How did she do today!?!

Teacher: Well, today was not such a good day. (insert big sad face)

Me: Yikes! What happened? (Crap)

Teacher: Well she had a really hard time sharing toys with her friends.

Me: Really?  (yeah, tell me about it.  You’d think the second kid would be good at sharing)

Teacher: And she really didn’t listen to directions or what we were saying to her.

Me: Oh no! (Oh yes…fun, right?)

Teacher: And she just wanted to do what she wanted to do.

Me: Uh-huh….  (Yup, sounds about right and any second she is going to say she threw a HUGE tantrum)

Teacher: Then she had a very big tantrum.

Me: No! (Right on cue…)

Teacher: And she has a really bad runny nose

Me: Wait, what? Mimi has a runny nose? She didn’t have one when she left the house today.

Teacher: Oh, no! Oh wait! You aren’t….. oh, you are Mimi’s mommy. No, no, no I confused you with another Mommy. Oh no, Mimi was an angel. Good as gold…Good as gold. She is such a joy and such a good listener.

Me: Good as gold? (Are we talking about the same kid? The one with the wild blonde curly hair and the high pitch deafening screams. That kid was good as gold?).

I must have looked totally shell-shocked because her teacher had to lead me into the classroom by the elbow. There I saw my little lady sitting nicely at a round, yellow table with a few friends coloring. COLORING!! Who is this kid and what have they done with my daughter?

I scooped up that “Good as Gold” girl and we danced out of the classroom–no reason to blow her cover now. I may have no idea who she is at school, but I do know that she and I both love Starbucks after school. And she always wants a chocolate milk and a cakepop. At least I think she does…

Has this happened to you? Does your kid have a home personality and a school personality?

 

 

It’s Mommy TMI Vlog Time! I’m unorganized, writing, and heading to Disney!

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I love a good vlog. How about you? You know what else I love? Watching other bloggers vlog, mainly because I’m nosey and wanna see what they look like and sound like. This week on the Mommy TMI vlog I’m sharing my blogging goals for 2014, the most unorganized room in my house, and big travel plans!! Wanna see my answers? Oh you’re nosey too? I knew I liked you!

 

Find some more awesome bloggers and listen to their answers! Click right here!

Where have I been? Hanging out at What the Flicka!

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Well hello there and happy New Year to you! Hopefully you are recovering from too many cocktails and cookies over the holidays. It may seem like I have been super quiet (never), but I have been hanging out over at Felicity Huffman’s site What the Flicka!

Did you miss my posts? No need to fear! Here they are!

Kids are the worst—to prove it, click here to read how they will totally ruin the holidays for you!

Felicity Huffman's What The Flicka - 5 Ways Your kids Will Totally Ruin The Holidays

Not sure if you are done having kids? Well, I am here to help! Click here to take my quiz to let you know if a baby is in your future. Very scientific, pals.

Felicity Huffman's What The Flicka - Are You Done Having Kids?

 

Mommy TMI–The Christmas Edition!

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This week on the vlog I’m making handcrafted glass Christmas ornaments and seven grain holiday bread–just kidding–I’m drinking wine and yapping about all things Christmas! I’m so glad Mommy TMI is back and so glad that the gals from More than Mommies have come up with another great list of questions. I’d love to hear your answers! Tell me what you want Santa to bring you in the comments!

suggie
http://creativelyengaged.com/

And in honor of Christmas , here is my Suggie as Rudolph.

Check me out on Felicity Huffman’s site What the Flicka!

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I have some very exciting news that I have been keeping under wraps–Uhh, no I’m not pregnant and you bite your tongue! The super adorable Felicity Huffman has started her own website for just for women called What the Flicka, and guess who is their newest contributor? Me, silly! My first article is up today and I am boo hooing about the terrible twos and how I many not survive them. Swing by and say hello, tell me that the terrible twos will be over soon, or just send me wine if they are going to last any longer. Wahhhhh! Click here to be magically transported to What The Flicka!

Felicity Huffman's What The Flicka? - Terrible Twos Are No Big Deal And Other Lies I tell Myself

Making Chores Less Painful With Chore Monster

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ChoreMonster

You know when you reach that point in the day when you cannot, you simply CANNOT ask your children one more time to complete the simplest of tasks? And, if in fact, you have to ask them again, you will simply lose your mind, break open the peanut butter jar, and dive in head first? Oh you too? Glad to see this isn’t just happening around this joint.

Morning are getting pretty painful around here. No one will brush their teeth unless I ask them 746 times, and the idea of putting on socks and shoes is as if I have asked them to climb Mt. Everest. When I would see those adorable homemade chore charts or the charts you can buy, I sometimes think those are the answer; however, I can’t remember to keep up the advent calendar (and ours has chocolate). How am I supposed to maintain a chore chart? Really, I don’t need one more task.

So when Chore Monster introduced me to their website and apps that makes chores fun, easy to track, and the kids can pick their own rewards, I knew we could do this!

Setup was super easy (read: if it’s easy for me, you can do it too), and my little guy liked picking the rewards

Chore: Brush your teeth twice a day  Reward: You won’t have stinky Brontosaurus breath

Chore: Make your bed every morning Reward: Mommy will read an extra book to you and night

Chore: Get your socks and shoes on before school Reward: At the end of the week a trip to get frozen yogurt

These may seem like baby steps, y’all, but just having him accomplish these simple tasks without me having to ask a million times makes our mornings run so much more smoothly. I sorta love Chore Monster, and I’m totally writing their name with doodle hearts around it. Like this:

hearts chore monster

Because my main man even gets to pick his own rewards, we are even talking about the difference between things we have to do and the things that help us earn the big rewards. So if we make it a few days successfully completing our chores, he gets a trip to our favorite frozen yogurt place where he can add his own toppings–so basically a ton of gummy worms and chocolate chips.

So let’s review–he’s got minty fresh breath, shoes on is feet, and his bed looks like it came right out of Pottery Barn (if Pottery barn let preschoolers make their beds) and we all get frozen yogurt. Me likey!

Because we have the app on my phone, he was super excited to mark each chore as “complete” and he even wanted to add more chores! I started to think the possibilities were endless–make dinner for Mommy or paint the bathroom I’ve been asking your dad to do for months. Alright, we’ll be more realistic: clear your dishes after meals and feed the dog.

This kid loved his new responsibilities, loved marking each task complete, loved his rewards, and loved that Mommy wasn’t  screaming “WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BRUSH THEIR TEETH IN THIS HOUSE!”

The chores you pick and the rewards are totally up to you. So you make them age specific as well as change them when needed. Plus you can vary them like I did–a pat on the back for the basics and the big guns for the chores you really need to work on.

Want to try out ChoreMonster? Perfect, because the first 100 readers that click this link and sign up can start their own account for thirty days for free!

 

This post is part of  a  paid opportunity to partner with ChoreMonster.

The Baby Blocker: Keeping New Siblings From Happening

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If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I’ve been grappling (check out that SAT word) with adding baby number three to our brood. I’ve written reasons why I really want to be knocked up again. And some really valid reasons why I would have to be out of my mind to let my Eggo get Preggo.

Here’s a little secret I’m going to let you in on: Hubby and I decided we are going to pull the trigger and try for another baby, but then it happened. The Baby Blocker. Not familiar with a Baby Blocker? Well, let me introduce you to her.

Baby Blocker

Remember being in your glory days  single days of hitting the bar and party scene? I know, it’s been a while, but you remember those questionable fashion, hair and make out partner choices, right? Did you have that one friend that made it virtually impossible to capture a guy’s attention? Maybe a handsome fella caught your eye, you were having great conversation or he was impressed with the way  you drop it like it’s hot on the dance floor. Then that one friend comes along and ruins it all by saying something lame or chasing him away with her Carlton Banks dance moves, or worse she starts to rub up on him in a really bad Pamela Anderson kinda way. Remember her? The “c@*k block”— I know, gross word but really that’s what she was.

Well imagine you and your main squeeze decide that more is merrier and you get ready to “pull the goalie” and BAM your two year old throws hourly tantrums, fights you on every single loved decision you need to make in a day, screams loud enough to break every window in the house, decides she doesn’t want to be cared for by anyone other than Mommy, but most days acts like she doesn’t even like Mommy, and is generally just, you know, a terrible two. Well friends, meet the Baby Blocker because under no circumstance would you DREAM of having another baby right now. No thanks. This shop is closed.

My son is still easy breezy other than the constant boo boos, wrestling, jumping off high places, refusal to wear pants, and finds bodily functions and fluids a hoot, the kid is pretty much a peach.  But that little one is giving me a run for my money.

I’ve discussed this Baby Blocker phenomenon and turns out, they exist in lots of places outside of our home. It’s true! In fact, after a brief survey (OK I asked my friends), it seems that many second and third children only became a reality because the Baby Blocker went on a brief hiatus or reared it’s tantrum head a few months after conception.

It’s gotten so bad that Hubby will try to give me a back rub and I run away like a bat out of hell. From across the room I yell “Watch it, buddy. I know where your back rubs lead!”

While the Baby Blocker was serving another sentence in time out, I sent up a small prayer to help me make it to bedtime without diving headfirst into a bottle of Cabernet.

Hey God,

So where do we stand with bambino numero tres? No time soon. Hopefully the Baby Blocker drops the act before I hit menopause. There is hope; while I was writing this, the Baby Blocker snuggled up next to me, gave me the sweetest kisses and told me she “really loves Mommy.” Oh wait, she just threw her chocolate milk at her brother. She’s BACK!!!

It’s my Blogiversary–Someone Get Me Cake!

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A year ago today I nervously pushed “publish” on my very first blog post. I was sure that only my mom would read my ramblings and maybe my husband would swing by every now and then because he is legally bound to me and I threatened to hide secret  messages in each blog if he didn’t “I spent $300 at Target today–Don’t be mad”   But what a difference  a year makes! Much like Mother’s Day, I am taking this day very seriously, because I earned this day. Sure my birthday is great, but all I had to do was be born to claim that day. But now this day is so very special to me because my silly little blog has grown from a funny way to document my kids’ lives and our adventures together to being featured on other sites, new readers every day, so many amazing blogging buddies, and a little something this Mamma can call her own.

Blogiversary

So in honor of my first blogiversary, I’m hitting up the holy trinity–cake, Starbucks, and wine, and I’m sharing my ten favorite posts from this past year. If you are new around here, check them out, laugh a little, and maybe give me a  back rub, whatever. If you’ve been hanging around here from the start (read: my mom) take a look at a few oldies but goodies and feel free to say “That Amanda, she is a HOOT!”  Either way, here they are!

1.  You all know that I think my little boy hung the moon, but I had no idea I was “that mom” until he became smitten with a little girl. It’s Just a Little Crush, but I am SO Not Ready For it!

2.  I’ve loved Howard Stern for years, but when I had kids, it was time to end our relationship. I wonder if he misses me? Babba Booey!

3.  One time I did a little self diagnosis and ended up with balls. Yes balls! P.S. Everything is cool down there now but there was The Day I Had Balls

4.  This one is always Hubby’s favorite. It’s only funny because it’s true. Check out our  Irreconcilable Holiday Differences

5.  Being a Mom is freaking hard! But this lists is a great reminder that Parenting: Five Ways I Know I’m Doing It Right

6.  I’m the shameful owner of a tramp stamp, but it sounds like many of you are too. Here are my Confessions of a Mommy and Her Tramp Stamp

7. I was boo-hooing that the terrible twos are going to be the death of me. It seems many of you are there too: Terrible Twos Aren’t So Bad and Other Lies I tell Myself

8. Mimi makes a ballet leotard look good; however, my “free spirited”gal  has a mind of her own. Sit Down Tiny Dancer

9. One of the joys of being a mom of little ones is that you are NEVER, EVER, EVER alone. Take for instance: Lean on Me. Actually Don’t Get Off Me

10. I spent years watching Beverly Hills 90210 and it finally paid off when I wrote about all of the important lessons you learn from that amazing show because Jason Priestley actually retweeted my post! I always did love Brandon! This post was also featured on the amazing Scary Mommy’s site. Not too shabby for a newbie at blogging. So here is my all time favorite post: All I need to Know I Learned from 90210

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So here’s to an AMAZING first year of blogging and many more to come!