Questionable Choices in Parenting

Laughing at life as a parent so they don't commit me

How Much Wine is in My Glass? A Science Experiment

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Do you drink wine?  Shut up, me too!

Since it’s socially unacceptable to crack open a bottle of red at 8 AM, do you wait until your kids are asleep to booze?  Yes! Come on, this is just too strange! Wanna be best friends and get a BFF necklace like this:

BFF

You know what else I really love, new best friend? I love science experiments. Maybe it’s because I really loved Mr. Wizard’s World as a kid. Remember that guy?

The other night I was pouring myself a glass of wine into my favorite Pottery Barn wine glass, and the Mr. Wizard in me started to think about volume. Not the volume that my daughter can reach while she is mid-tantrum, but the volume of wine that my HUGE wine glasses can actually hold.

Now I know these aren’t normal size glasses, but my days aren’t normal sized and they call for big, fancy wine glasses that can hold the amount of “Mommy Juice” needed to take the edge off the day’s tantrums, messes, clean-ups, butt wipes, nose wipes, school drop offs, school pick up… you get the idea.

So I decided to perform a little experiment. How much wine can my Pottery Barn wine glass hold and what do these findings mean for me?

winebottle

Here is my list of equipment:

  • Pottery Barn red wine glass
  • Pottery Barn white wine glass
  • Water
  • Blue food coloring

Why blue food coloring? Well blue is the most scientific color, just ask the makers of maxi-pad commercials.

Now on to my methods: these are the wine glasses full of water that is pretending to be wine. I know the glasses are a little full, but just imagine Mamma had a really bad day and stop judging for the sake of science, OK?

wine

So how much wine do these glasses hold?

RedandWhite

 Holy cannoli that’s a lot of grape juice! Just under three cups for the white wine glass and just over three cups for the red.

I decided to consult the most reliable online source, Wikipedia, and according to them, the average “pour” for wine is five to six ounces. That looks like this:

no just no

 Ridiculous? Hand me that bottle. No one has time for you to be stingy with the booze.

Now somewhere in the article is stated that the wine glass should be double in size so the wine can “aerate,” but I can’t bothered with those sorts of details.

And now the most important part of the science experiment: what conclusions did I come to.

  • Clearly the designer of Pottery Barn’s wine glasses was a mother that needed a break at the end of the night
  • Why go out and deal with stingy “pours” at stuffy restaurants when you can just fill your glass right to the rim at home?
  • When it seems as if there isn’t enough wine in all of Napa to ease the sting of a really rough day try this combo: jar of peanut butter in the AM and wine after the kids’ bedtime.
  • In the end, many of my results are still inconclusive. The only thing I can do now is further testing. Care to join me on my next round of experiments, best buddy?

Comments

  1. So funny! Absolutely blue is the most scientific of colors. Maxi pad commercials, toilet paper, you name it-they all use blue. I’m not a wine drinker, but a good 6 pack of beer will get me every time.

  3. This is officially one of my favorite posts from you! And HOLY HELL are those huge–you weren’t kidding!!!! In all seriousness: you’re not going to give away my half of the BFF necklace because I can’t imbibe with you for another few months…are you?!!!!

  4. I believe we can translate your experience to those without children but too old to party with the bar goers on weeknights. Science is so transferable!

  6. This is really funny! I once had a glass that held a whole bottle of wine. I think I still have it but it’s in a box, next to the wine fridge, for safekeeping. I couldn’t figure out why after only having one glass I woke with a bit of a headache the next day. Go figure!

  8. Hilarious! I’m sorry, but Wikipedia is terribly wrong. That must have been someone without kids reporting! Stopping by from Finding the Funny. Hope you can visit sometime.

  9. We were just discussing this recently and I believe that the whole idea of the 4-6 oz pour was started by the restaurant industry to charge us more for a teeny little bit of wine. I know what a $25 dollar glass of wine should look like, and it’s definitely not that piddly (piddely? I don’t know how to spell that stupid word) little glass of next-to-nothing.

    So there you have it. A devious conspiracy theory to add to your science!