Five things my kids will never be able to say to Dr. Phil

Even the most well-intentioned parent messes up, a lot. Honestly, I’m probably giving my kids plenty of ammo if they feel the need to take their grievances national to somewhere like The Dr. Phil Show.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the good doctor and love hearing him tell guests whose lives are in self-induced shambles “so how is that working for you?”  Better yet is when he fires off a warning to a lippy guest who is getting a bit testy with his line of questioning with “this ain’t my first rodeo.”

But as much as I love Dr. Phil and his quick witted quips, I have no desire for my family to end up on daytime television boo-hooing about what I did to ruin their lives.

So before I blink and my kids have all but grown up, I want to make it clear to them…

1. “My mom didn’t hug and kiss me enough”– Nonsense! There is little I enjoy more than cuddling and smooching these two knuckleheads. Since they are so little, I get away with lots of  mommy love, but I am fully prepared to demand a little sugar even when they are teens and they think I’m the worst thing ever. Even if  my kids have officially banned PDAs, I will sneak into their rooms at night, tuck them in, and kiss their sweet faces. They should just learn now there really is no way of getting away from me.
2. “My mom never made sacrifices for me” Let’s see, where should I start? The stomach that I could bounce a quarter off  now has the familiar “mom squish.” When I sneeze, I have to cross my legs just in case. Once I had high, perky boobs; now they just seem sad and sorta lopsided.  How about the hours and hours of sleep lost? The bazillions of dollars spent on diapers, butt creams, and random baby gadgets! Lots of sacrifices, but it’s cool because you two are worth it. The stretch marks are a bit much, but I can forgive the rest.
3. “My mom  was never in my corner”- The day that I birthed my bambinos, I gained the title of “Mamma” and  “Personal Cheerleader.”  So for the good, the bad, the hard, the easy, the big, and the small, no one and I mean NO ONE will cheer louder and stand stronger in their corner than their Mamma. If need be, I will bust out my pom poms from my high school cheerleader days.

Here’s the thing, I’m going to be their cheerleader as long as I’m around. That mean when they are married I will say “Hey  husband/wife, who better NEVER move my kids hundreds of miles away from me, here’s a  pom pom, let’s  get our cheer on.” See I can share.

Is there’s something they want to do, we’ll make a plan and figure out how they can accomplish it. If their big dreams don’t work out, I’ll show them how to make new ones. Because that’s what Moms and personal cheerleaders do.

4. “My mom never tried to make us happy”– Maybe they thought we spent hours on the playground because I really enjoy the spiral slide, or the days at the pool were because I really liked the tans lines from my tankini. Clearly we watch hours of Doc McStuffins and Sesame Street because it’s such riving television. Nope, sorry, Charlie. I do these things and pretty much 99.99% of our daily activities because it makes them happy. And their dirty, smiling faces make me happy.

5. “My mom didn’t love me”  Have you ever loved someone so much that it’s just too big and too fabulous to understand? Have you ever loved someone so much it actually scares the bejeezus out of you? That’s how I feel about those two.

 

However, if my kids wanted to take me on the Dr. Phil show for, oh I don’t know, a chance to just hang out with his wife Robin or if he is handing out tummy tucks, then yes, sign me up. Otherwise, we shall just enjoy the musings of the Dr. from the comfort of our home.